In the comments section below, please post the original sentence and your revised version. For example:
Original: Due to the fact that a number of arguments have been made about the topic of euthanasia, it is clear that the subject is a fairly controversial one.
My revision: Euthanasia is a complex topic.
That way, writers can see how their sentences were revised. Thanks!
Original: In cases where injured persons are given settlements, a confidentiality agreement is often made to keep the victims from disclosing any information regarding the injury, which may be helpful to other families seeking damages.
ReplyDeleteMy revision: When injured persons are given settlements, confidentiality agreements are often issued to help those seeking damages.
Original: Jane Roe was lucky because she never actually had an abortion; but many women do get abortions, regret it many years after, and begin to feel deeply depressed.
ReplyDeleteMy revision: Jane Roe was lucky she never had an abortion however many women do, regret it years after, and begin feeling depressed.
Original: Now, imagine a society being LGBT; those other problems are not as big an issue anymore compared to what some of LGBT people deal with just being who they think/feel they are as a human being.
ReplyDeleteMy revision: When compared to the daily trials of LGBT people, most everyday problems are not as big of a deal.
Original: The spirit of this amendment was to protest people from government controlling their lives, to allow the people to be able to worship in any way they chose; they did not want an official national religion as was established in the Anglican Church of England.
ReplyDeleteRevised: Because the people wanted little government control and the freedom to pursue any religion of their choosing, this amendment was proposed to do just that.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOriginal – I want people who care where our countries tax funds go to read my paper – college students who are aware of the state of our economy & who may be persuaded to take action.
ReplyDeleteRevised – I want college students aware of our economic troubles and who express interest in where our tax dollars are going to read my paper. I hope I can persuade these students to take action.
Original - Although we had school conquered, we still had what we thought was the hardest battle ahead;our parents.
ReplyDeleteRevised - Although was had school conquered, conquering our parents was another battle.
Original: The major question stand as to whether the Automotive Industry will indeed change its bad habits and reorganize for the better if given a bail out.
ReplyDeleteRevised: The question is whether the Automotive Industry will change the bad habits and reorganize if given a bail out.
Original: Music education is one of the most realistic, creative, and unpretentious way to teach and help children develop, yet it is often overlooked and undervalued.
ReplyDeleteRevised:Music education is a creative way to aid in the development of children, yet it is overlooked.
Original: Missouri is not the only State to do this; Oregon did not decrease their schools' budgets and created jobs at the same time.
ReplyDeleteRevised: (Assuming I understood the central meaning of the sentence correctly)
Missouri along with Oregon created jobs while showing no decrease in their schools' budgets.
Original: Basically what this law does is enforce “gender equality” or prevents sexual discrimination against women in athletics as well as education.
ReplyDeleteRevised: Gender equality is what this law enforces. It prevents sexual discrimination against women in athletics, as well as in education.
Original: You become outraged with anger and hate in order to protect your own, that you seldom recognize the external effects that will be cast upon you and your loved ones.
ReplyDeleteRevised: In order to protect your own, you become outraged with anger and hate and fail to realize the consequences that can come from it.
Original: If the environmental responsibility eventually outweighs the human responsibility in the cause for coastal erosion, the extent to which we exhaust our efforts for environmental preservation is arguable.
ReplyDeleteRevised: Environmental presentation is doubtful if the environment's responsibility outweighs human responsibility in the cause for coastal erosion.
A majority if her students have behavioral problems, many of them literally get themselves (and siblings) to and from school in the mornings, and most of them show signs of diminished self esteem.
ReplyDeleteMany of her students have behavioral and esteem problems because they have to take responsibility of their siblings.
Original: It is important to recognize that for the children that did survive, as well as all the children in Haiti, get the safety, education, and justice they deserve.
ReplyDeleteIt is crucial that safety, education, and justice be provided to the remaining survivors and also the children of Haiti.
ORIGINAL: Society has avoided this word for generations because people feel as though they are being polite when they avoid it, but not recognizing racism in the world today is like ignoring a life-threatning brain tumor.
ReplyDeleteREVISED: Society has avoided the word "rasicm" for generations because people feel they are being polite. Not recognizing racism is like ignoring a life-threatning brain tumor.
Original: Her story really doesn't have anything to do with my argument and it actually works against it but in writing this paper, her story just seemed to stick out the most.
ReplyDeleteRevised: Although it works against my argument, her story sticks out the most.
note: I don't like 'sticks out'. Maybe you could choose a better word...resonates, maybe. I couldn't really think of a good one.
Original: School was something she enjoyed attending because she was able to learn how to do different things and was able able to play with children her own age
ReplyDeleteMy Revision: She enjoyed school because she could learn various skills and attributes while being able to play with children of her age.